Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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