i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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