she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its liver damage thursday
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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