She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
