I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
