My room smells like vodka and shame
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
