My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
