Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
