There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
