the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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