let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize