I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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