I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
