dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
