If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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