OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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