Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've blown a few things in my day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
