the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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