Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
