i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
