Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
