Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize