goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We named our party play list daddy issues
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
