Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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