I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
