As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
