she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm always down for nudity.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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