you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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