I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
