My hand turned me down
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize