oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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