do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize