i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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