I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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