I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
