i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
