My first STD was from a foam party
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
