Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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