If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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