He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
