I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
