Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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