that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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