i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
