life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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