it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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