im drinking this country out of the recession.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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