i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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