I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
