She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
