I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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