You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
