Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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