I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
