I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
