im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
