How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
