idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
