I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
