I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
