Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
