She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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