Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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