Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
