I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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