I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
