He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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