so that wasnt chicken after all
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
