Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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