When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
