If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
