I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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