just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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