Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
