I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
