Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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