yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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