party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
