I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
