Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
