so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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