is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
